As a visitor to this site, it's a fair bet that you've had dealings with a safety professional or two. If so, you will certainly appreciate the real-world vision of these dynamic and courageous leaders. They're great guys!

Theirs is a deadly serious business yet, despite this, safety professionals are always ready to have a laugh at their own expense. Here are our favourite one-liners about them. Click on the 'answer' box for the punchline.

Question		Why was the safety professional suicidal?
		His printer had run out of toner.

Question		Why did the man decide to become a safety professional?
		He didn't have the personality to be a librarian.

Question		What's the difference between a vampire and a safety professional?
		A vampire only sucks blood at night.

Question		How did the pregnant woman know she was carrying a safety professional?
		She had a craving for tripe.

Question		How did the safety professional lose his tortoise?
		He couldn't keep pace with it.

Question		What's the difference between God and a safety professional?
		God doesn't think he's a safety professional.

Question		Why did the safety professional stop breathing?
		He wanted to be loved.

Question		How many safety professionals work at RSSB?
		About half of them.

Question		What's the difference between a racehorse and a safety professional?
		You can remove the blinkers from a racehorse.

Question		Why did the safety professional listen to the trackworker?
		It was his day off.

Question		Why wouldn't the safety professional eat vegetables?
		Cannibalism is an offence.

Question		What's the difference between Jade Goody and a safety professional?
		You can stoop lower than Jade Goody.

Question		Why won't a lion eat a safety professional?
		It has standards to maintain too.

Question		Why did the safety professional cross the road?
		To avoid the cracks in the pavement.

Question		What's the difference between a novelist and a safety professional?
		A novelist is sometimes lost for words.

Question		What does a safety professional use for contraception?
		His charisma.

Question		Why did the safety professional visit the earth's core?
		So the world would revolve around him.

Question		What's the difference between a hair dryer and a safety professional?
		A hair dryer only produces hot air when it's turned on.

Question		Why did the safety professional get out of bed?
		He wanted to live dangerously.

Question		How did the safety professional spice up his sex life?
		He rubbed chilli pepper on his hand.

Question		What's the difference between a control freak and a safety professional?
		Trick question!