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Welcome to the hysterical, madcap world of 'health n safety', where boiling a kettle requires a competence regime and conkers grow in bubble wrap.

This page features a collection of stories which will have you pulling your hair out (assuming you still have some).

Newer stories
December
Children banned from carrying church candles
30th December 2008 (Daily Mail)
A Northamptonshire church has banned children under 15 from carrying lighted candles as the safety risk was deemed unacceptable.
Health 'n' safety goes crackers!
19th December 2008 (The Press, York)
Crackers, it seems, are now to be regarded as explosives, so it is illegal to sell them to children under 16.
Time stands still as jobsworths step in
14th December 2008 (Express & Star, Wolverhampton)
It has kept time for decades. But a church clock in Penkridge will now stay frozen in time after health and safety bosses insisted it was too dangerous to wind up.
Health and safety woe for Longridge church balcony
10th December 2008 (Longridge & Ribble Valley News)
Health and safety rules have forced the closure of a Longridge church balcony despite hundreds of years of trouble free use.
November
Sunk! Safety chiefs end charity raft race
27th November 2008 (Daily Mail)
A charity raft race which has never suffered a serious accident in its 27-year history has been sunk by the health and safety demands of police and council risk assessors.
Carol singing brownies banned from shopping centre
27th November 2008 (Daily Mail)
Carol singing brownies and guides have been banned from a shopping centre because they are considered a health and safety risk.
The crazy world of health and safety rules
20th November 2008 (Daily Record)
8,000 council staff (including teachers and office workers) were issued with guidelines after a worker slipped while collecting hedge trimmings.
80-year-old tradition banned over health and safety fears
12th November 2008 (Daily Mail)
The tradition of dignitaries throwing coins for children in St Ives is set to be scrapped amid fears that someone could be injured.
Health and safety zealots ban toys in surgeries
8th November 2008 (Daily Express)
Waiting-room toys have been banned from doctors’ surgeries because health and safety zealots claim they could spread infection among children.
Swimming pool bans floats
6th November 2008 (Journal Live)
A pool has stopped issuing water wings and floats because bosses claim they could pass on infections.
One million gravestones removed by elf n safety
6th November (Daily Mail)
As many as a million gravestones and memorials have been defaced or removed by over-zealous health and safety officials, according to MPs.
Coastguards banned from using flares
4th November 2008 (Daily Mail)
Coastguards have been banned from using flares in rescue missions after they were ruled to be a risk to health and safety.
October
Health & Safety prevents home helps from helping
29th October 2008 (Birmingham Post)
Health and safety regulations are preventing carers carrying out simple tasks for the elderly such as changing light bulbs and washing curtains.
Fire station pole boarded up
17th October 2008 (Southport Visiter)
The fireman’s pole at Southport Fire Station has been boarded up after 60 years of life-saving service because health and safety officials deem it too dangerous for use.
OAPs denied food thanks to health n safety
11th October 2008 (Sussex & Essex Online)
A 96-year-old woman is not having meals delivered because staff might have their hands burnt by hot food.
Call to change police bravery awards
4th October 2008 (Brighton Argus)
Health and safety spoilsports are demanding a change in the wording on police bravery awards in case they encourage others to take risks.
Driver's whitewash over paint concerns
3rd October 2008 (Northern Echo)
A health and safety row has erupted after a passenger was banned from a bus for carrying a pot of paint.
September
Safety concerns stop town's fireworks show
18th September 2008 (Times & Star)
The annual Cockermouth fireworks display will be cancelled this year because there is not enough time to carry out all necessary risk assessments.
Health n safety prevents grass cutting
8th September 2008 (Daily Mail)
A stunned mother asked her council to cut a patch of communal grass after her son hurt himself on buried broken glass, only to be told it was too dangerous to mow.

Bin can't be retrieved from stream
4th September 2008 (Sussex Express)
Council staff were unable to clear a dustbin from a four-inch deep stream because they weren't qualified to wear wellies and a safety harness.
Festival horseman told to walk
3rd September 2008 (Daily Mail)
A horseriding hero who has wowed festival-goers since 1964 was this year forced to walk instead after health and safety fears forced him from his steed.
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