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'Approaching train'

Several months after three RAIB (Read About It Belatedly) inquiry reports recommended that the industry should define the term "approaching train" for those who don't understand the concept of running rails, RSSB (Resistance Stifles Safety Benefits) has issued guidance to help people who plan, set-up, scrutinise, criticise or laugh at red zone safe systems. This has been developed and approved by 278 theroretical compliance experts, 116 human factors specialists, 185 research gurus and Mavis - the tea lady with Tourettes from the 28th floor, recruited under the EC's Disability Rights Directive - all of whom form the Strategic Help & Information Taskforce of RSSB's TOMSC (Total Opposition to Meaningful and Straightforward Communications) committee.

You should consider a train to be 'approaching' and move to a position of safety if -

  • it is on the line that you are working or walking on
  • it is on a line that is within 3m (10 feet) of your site of work/walking route
  • it could be routed onto a line that is within 3m (10 feet) of your site of work/walking route
  • it is on a line that you have to cross in order to reach the position of safety
  • it is not possible to be certain which line the train is on at the required sighting distance
  • it is not a holographic projection
  • it is not a function of hallucinogenic drugs
  • it is now within 1.25m (4 feet) of your left ear and you are still in the four-foot
  • it is on a line that has your job on it
  • it is on a line that has to be drawn somewhere
  • it is not possible to be certain whether the driver is alert, competent, conscious or alive
  • your Rimini pack is not available as a bufferstop
  • you have reached the limit of your patience
  • you have not yet had eyes fitted in the back of your head
  • your site of work can be seen clearly from a manager's office
  • there is no phone at the nearest signal from which to seek advice from your mum
  • your workgroup has not yet read the morning paper
  • the safety of the director's bonus could be affected
  • LOWS, TOWS and ATWS are in use on another planet
  • your Rimini planner still works part-time at Tescos
  • the lookout had a dodgy curry last night
  • a crane or heron is foul of the line
  • a live Sky game kicks-off in half-an-hour
  • two or more COSSs are sharing the same trousers
  • the running rails are not made of jelly
  • a woman in a short skirt/skimpy top is passing and can be seen more clearly from the cess
  • ash is being emitted from an Icelandic volcano
  • the square of the hypotenuse is equal to the sum of the squares of the other two sides
  • the chicken came before the egg (or vice versa).
You must not move to a position of safety if you are part of a final salary pension scheme or a generous redundancy package has been negotiated.
You should not assume that compliance with this guidance will, in any way, result in managerial support in the event of an accident/incident.

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